I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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