Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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