I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
