she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Randomize
