I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Randomize
