I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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