I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize