Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
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