I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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