I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
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