i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
