I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
