Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
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