She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize