think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Randomize
