so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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