listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
