i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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