I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
Sober January is a disaster.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Randomize
