id be glad to
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Randomize
