I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
