Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
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