so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
don't judge my taste in strippers
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
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