dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Randomize
