I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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