So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Randomize
