Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
My pussy is not your playground.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
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