i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
