I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Randomize
