Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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