Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Randomize
