If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
