What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
