i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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