I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
