that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
