yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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