PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Randomize
