I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
