My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
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