oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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