She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
