i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Randomize
