I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
4 words: hood of his car
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
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