if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Randomize
