I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Randomize
