I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
