I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
