Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Randomize