it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
