Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
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