I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Randomize
