I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
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