Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
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