Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
