Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
