walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
