i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize