there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
