Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
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