I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
