he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
You left your phone here
Wait...
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
