A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
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