forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Randomize
