I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
The cops high fived after they tackled you
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
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