I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
I just googled if crying burns calories
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
We had sex on a dog bed..
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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