i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
