when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
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