And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
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