A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
It's official drugs can't kill me
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
