So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Randomize
