If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Hey man sorry I got all grabby
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
why does every cop we meet know your name?
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
