It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
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