i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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