i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Randomize
