dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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