My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Randomize