Got a toothbrush?
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
