i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Randomize
