last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Randomize
