I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
