This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
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