the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
We just shotgunned beers for America
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
