a queef is a wish your heart makes.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Found the puke drawer
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize