Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
