Pregnant stripper...not hot.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Randomize
