I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
