you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
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