No awkward lesbian experiences without me
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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