She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
