he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
