they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
