Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
