No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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