you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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