i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
We had to coat check the pizza.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize
