ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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