Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize