Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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