11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
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